Kingsnorth in Queenstown
The Red Bull Stunt Plane
My body was tingling, confused, it's not everyday all my organs become five times as heavy as they should be. We'd pulled out of the roll, but the horizon wasn't there. There was blue sky all around. Then I felt weightless as the plane stalled from being vertical for too long, we dropped backwards for a second, the pilot put on full rudder as we headed straight back towards Queenstown. Before I had a chance to see the view we'd already pulled up. Or I think we did. Queenstown is above me, that's not right. Another roll, another turn. "How you doing Matt?" the pilot said. Even though I was on the border of being sick I thought I'd try to make the thumbs up gesture to signal everything was OK. I couldn't, there was no blood in my hands. I'm struggling to breath, my brain needs more oxygen than my lungs can supply. Though I know I shouldn't, I manage a weak, half thumbs up. Hey this is Queenstown, 'Hardcore' remember? Uh-oh, where've the mountains gone....
I'm an adrenalin junkie. I like jumping off things and making myself scream. It feels good when you realise you've conquered the part of you that says 'Don't jump off this bridge/building/plane etc...' The afternoon I did 'The Nevis' I was really excited. When Paul (one of the guys in my dorm) saw I was buzzing, rather than in the toilet dropping brown bombs (like most people would be at the thought of diving 134m) he told me about the 'Red Bull Stunt Plane.' He'd done it the week before as he couldn't do bungy jumping due to a bad back. I'd been thinking about it ever since.
In hindsight, it was a bad day to do it. The previous night had involved drinking games, England winning against the Maoris, red wine, white wine, vodka and red bull. The previous night had also turned into this morning with a gorgeous brunette called Elaine. At about lunchtime, I upgraded my hangover to a Force 10 - The worst type. My lunch involved peanut butter on toast and some Nurofen. I didn't think a big lunch was a good idea, I really didn't want to be feeling this way when I get up there. But I didn't want to put it off as we had the perfect weather for a flight. And hey, this is Queenstown. Hardcore.
I felt better after a bit of a siesta, which pretty much took me through to 3 o'clock when I was picked up in a huge 6.2 litre 4WD monster painted with the stunt plane and red bull logos. The pilot took me through our flight and all the moves we'd pull off today. He said "Don't worry, the idea isn't to make you sick. The idea is for you to relax and enjoy the flight, and I'll take you on a ride no fairground can ever match." Sounds great. I was getting excited, they always say 'Don't be scared, just relax and enjoy it' when you're about to do something insane.
We got to Queenstown Airport and did the pre-flight checks on the 'Pitts Special' 'Ferrari of the skies' stunt plane.
Soon enough we were on the runway, and after making way for a Boeing 757 (being in a little plane, you realise how big they are!) we were up in the air. As we gained altitude, the sun was dipping behind the mountains. Streaks of light carved up and over the snowcapped mountains. The blue sky and a couple of little fluffy clouds reflected in Lake Wakatipu. It was beautiful. The Altimeter arrow moved slowly towards 6000ft.
We started off going upside down (the symmetrical wings allow for lift to be maintained whether the plane is upside down or not) for about 20 seconds 'To get you used to the feeling of the harness holding you safely' he said. I beleived him, look how happy I am there.
Then we did some barrel rolls (fun) some loop-the-loops (Woo-hoo!) and my personal favourite, the vertical stall. The plane builds up speed, then flies vertically upwards until gravity exceeds the lift the propeller can supply, at which point the plane plummets back to the earth either backwards, or in a controlled spin by the pilot.
We started doing combinations of moves; Barrel rolls during loops, loops out of vertical stalls and then repeating it all again, loop after loop.
After about five or six minutes I started to feel a bit crappy. My gleeful laughter turned into just a will to try and breath. I know we got up to +5 Gs, which meant that during some of those barrel rolls, my entire body weighed 5 times more than it should do. That kind of sensation does funny things to you. Where the blood was rushing to my feet (and out of everywhere else) in the increased gravity, my hands went cold, and I felt like I was holding a handful of cold pebbles(?!?), which was strange because I had no sensation of touch in my hands at all. I was trying to remember what I'd seen on 'Discovery' about astronaut training on extreme G-Forces. Am I meant to breathe in or breathe out when we pull those Gs??
A close up of that please - Oh dear....
After each combination, the pilot would ask if I was OK, thumbs up means OK, thumbs down means not OK and a balled fist means get me on the ground now! I felt sick (apparently only about 1 in 100 people are actually sick) I weakly put one thumb up as we started another cacophony of confusion. My head was trying to tell me I should push myself as hard as possible. This is probably the only time in my life I'll have a chance to do this. Here in Queenstown. Breathe! Sun. Ground. Want to be sick. Mountains. I can feel my whole body and it doesn't feel good. Breathe! COME ON! HARDCORE you can do it! I'm gonna be (Hmnnn - positive Gs) sick. Level. Sky above, ground below. "How was that Matt?" I put my hand up. I briefly made a thumbs up, then a flat shaky hand, then a thumbs down. "Do you wanna go some more?" I made a more definite thumbs down.
My ten minutes nearly up, we circled around a mountain and did a quick inversion over the top, which was pretty cool. As we came in to land, I couldn't wait to get out of that plane, I hadn't been sick but I was damn close. I got out and wanted to lie down on the aviation fuel smelling concrete. I wanted to sink into the ground and be as still as possible. I settled for just kissing Mother Earth and sincerly apologising for all the times i'd defied her.
I carried on feeling sick (and went green) all the way home. As I asked him to slow down at corners, he told me I'd had one of the most extreme responses to the stunts in a long time. Most people come out buzzing and excited. I honestly think I went into shock. We discussed my previous evening and he said that's possibly why it hit me so hard, ie. the alcohol infused blood, the lack of sugars, proteins and whatever else you need to stay on tip-top form.
When I got back to the lodge, a couple of the guys said 'Wa-hey! How was it!?!' I collapsed onto my knees, my front, then dug my face into the carpet and just laid there, trying to be still. I kept madly jabbering stuff, half-giggling, half talking... 'Hardcore' 'Insane' 'I think Im in shock' 'Fuck, that was mad' 'Extreme'.
When the world stopped spinning, I had a cup of tea and everything was alright again.
So anyway, take my advice, should you know that tomorrow you're going to be taken up in a stunt plane and perform an extended session of acrobatic maneuvers, DO NOT:
- Drink your own body weight in Vodka and Wine the previous evening
- Spend the rest of the night shagging a gorgeous brunette
- Go to bed at 7am on the morning of your flight
- Think that not-eating is better than eating. Especially when combined with the first three.