Frustrated, Understanding Contradicting Knowledge
The Day After the party, we all emerged about lunchtime feeling groggy and a bit lost. We spent most of the afternoon recovering. Later, Sarah decided to borrow one of the Minis from the showroom to take me on a tour of Vancouver and to fnd out about 'tubing'. (Pronounced 'two-bing' in Canadian)
Tubing is where you sit in a giant rubber inner-tube and fly down a mountain course carved out of snow. (Very much my kind of thing: ) Unfortunately, we were a bit early in the season and there wasn't enough snow to do it. There was however, a cracking view of the surrounding area from up there.
It seemed strange to drive from Vancouver 'City' to the top of a snowy mountain in the space of about half an hour. It must be amazing to live here and have two so very different environments so close together. Also there's not just the snowy mountains in the winter, there's the beaches and the park in the summer. I've always liked the idea of living in a city with a beach, since I got off the Metro in Barcelona a few years ago and thought 'what a great place to come for a lunch hour!' Vancouver really does seem to have everything.
We drove back into town and along the 'Sea to Sky' highway up a second mountain further along. Sarah let me drive the Mini which was fun, they certainly do go when you put your foot down! Though I realised that maybe that was a bad idea when I remembered I was still feeling a little groggy and this was a brand new Mini and I wasn't insured.... Oops.
We swapped back and Sarah drove as we continued ascending the mountain. As we sped around the hairpin corners in the Mini Cooper S (Sarah happily living up to her reputation for being a budding rally driver) commented on how on that last corner she could almost feel the DSC (directional stability control) losing it...
I hadn't noticed, I was too busy admiring how the snow was turning a slightly salmony pink and orange colour. The sun was going down and a light mist was forming over the city. The snow was getting heavier on the ground the higher we got and we passed a little waterfall glistening silver and gold in the reflected snow and sunset light. I smiled to myself at how beautiful and how much fun all this was. The car, meeting up with Sarah and all the others, the mountains, the parties, the snow, the sunset, the city, so much different from life in Romford...
FUCK.
It hit me like a steam train at full speed. Two weeks from now I'm gonna be back in Romford... FUCK!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK WANK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ARSE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ARSE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SLAG FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SLAG FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK COCK FUCK FUCK FUCK COCK FUCK FUCK WANK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SLAG FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK COCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SLAG FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK WANK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ARSE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ARSE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SLAG FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ANAL FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK ARSE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SLAG FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ARSE FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK COCK FUCK FUCK FUCK COCK FUCK FUCK WANK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ANAL FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SLAG FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK COCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK WANK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ARSE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ARSE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SLAG FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ANAL FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK ARSE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SLAG FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ARSE FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK COCK FUCK FUCK FUCK COCK FUCK FUCK WANK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ANAL FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SLAG FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK COCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
I thought about life in Romford. Work. Go to the pub. Work. Go to the pub. Work. Go to the pub. All in the dull surroundings of car park concrete and miserable, anal people complaining about asylum seakers. That's not life anymore! THIS IS LIFE! How can I go back after doing all of this? WHY am I going back after doing all of this?
Obviously it had occurred to me before that I was going home, but it was only as a vague feeling. Like that feeling when you know you have a dental check-up at some point next month. But there was something about that beautiful little waterfall and the juxtaposition between that and England, grabbed me and forced me to face up to the fact that it was nearly all over.
It didn't make me feel sad, it made me feel frustrated. So very frustrated.
F-U-C-K.